Unconfirmed Breaking News
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PURE SATIRE!!! UPDATED DAILY AT 7 AM PST (OR WHEN WE ARE GOOD AND READY) THREE BREAKING NEWS STORIES EVERY WEEKDAY, PLUS A PROBLEM SOLVING ADVICE COLUMN ON WEEKENDS ~ TO REMAIN UPDATED ON WHAT'S GOING ON AROUND THE WORLD, RELY ON UNCONFIRMED BREAKING NEWS, BECAUSE WHEN THE NEWS BREAKS… WE'LL FIX IT!!!

BREAKING NEWS

BREAKING NEWS – Washington, D.C. – The TSA has issued a statement that in the near future, they will be offering a third option other then the “full body scan” or the “pat down”. The third option will be the “beat down”, where the passenger gets roughed up to the point, that the non-life threatening injuries that they sustain, will make it highly unlikely that they’ll harm anyone in flight. The TSA is presently planning on hiring 7500 former night club bouncers for the new positions.

Men or women that reserve flights for themselves and their spouses, will make the determination on which one of them (if any) will use option 3, and their spouse will be legally bound to abide by that decision. Overseeing the “beat down” will be a full time medical staff and divorce lawyers.

TSA

• 11/26/2010


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