Unconfirmed Breaking News
A (mis)trusted news source for over One 25th of a century

PURE SATIRE!!! UPDATED DAILY AT 7 AM PST (OR WHEN WE ARE GOOD AND READY) THREE BREAKING NEWS STORIES EVERY WEEKDAY, PLUS A PROBLEM SOLVING ADVICE COLUMN ON WEEKENDS ~ TO REMAIN UPDATED ON WHAT'S GOING ON AROUND THE WORLD, RELY ON UNCONFIRMED BREAKING NEWS, BECAUSE WHEN THE NEWS BREAKS… WE'LL FIX IT!!!

Blake’s Advice Column

Dear Blake,

I live in a suburb outside of Chicago. No matter where I look, I can’t find a job. Do you know who’s hiring?

Signed, Crystal Jo

From Maywood, Illinois

* * * * * * * *

Dear Crystal Jo,

I did some research on the area where you live. There seems to be a growing demand for secretaries for large street gangs in the suburbs surrounding Chicago. The most consistent requirements are, typing at least 75 words per minute, basic computer skills, and at least two years experience in shipping and receiving drugs and stolen property. I hope this helps.

Blake

Blake's Advice Column

• 11/25/2012


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