Unconfirmed Breaking News
A (mis)trusted news source for over One 25th of a century

PURE SATIRE!!! UPDATED DAILY AT 7 AM PST (OR WHEN WE ARE GOOD AND READY) THREE BREAKING NEWS STORIES EVERY WEEKDAY, PLUS A PROBLEM SOLVING ADVICE COLUMN ON WEEKENDS ~ TO REMAIN UPDATED ON WHAT'S GOING ON AROUND THE WORLD, RELY ON UNCONFIRMED BREAKING NEWS, BECAUSE WHEN THE NEWS BREAKS… WE'LL FIX IT!!!

BREAKING NEWS

Song Hua River in Harbin city, Heilongjiang province, northeastern China,

BREAKING NEWS – Heilongjiang, China – China bans swimming in the winter when a man dies after getting out of the Song Hua River. Apparently someone had stolen the unnamed swimmer’s clothes and towel, and the man literally froze to death standing up. The police were called when passersby noticed the ice cold body had fallen over and shattered like glass. The unfortunate man was later transferred to the coroner’s office, after he was swept up and placed in several dozen Glad freezer bags.

• December 27, 2012


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