Unconfirmed Breaking News
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PURE SATIRE!!! UPDATED DAILY AT 7 AM PST (OR WHEN WE ARE GOOD AND READY) THREE BREAKING NEWS STORIES EVERY WEEKDAY, PLUS A PROBLEM SOLVING ADVICE COLUMN ON WEEKENDS ~ TO REMAIN UPDATED ON WHAT'S GOING ON AROUND THE WORLD, RELY ON UNCONFIRMED BREAKING NEWS, BECAUSE WHEN THE NEWS BREAKS… WE'LL FIX IT!!!

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BREAKING NEWS

10 predictions from some well known psychics for 2013:

1. Rosie O’Donnell is hospitalized when she has an allergic reaction to wearing lipstick for the first time.

2. Through Ancestry.com, Tom Cruise will discovery that he is a direct descendant of munchkins.

3. Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi will get nearly shot down by the Air Force, after she flies into restricted air space on her broom.

4. Elvis Presley will be found alive living in some inner city projects in Memphis, Tennessee. His first words at his first tv interview will be, “Rap music sucks!”

5. Vice President Joe Biden, will openly admit that he spends more time in mental health facilities, than he does at the White House.

6. Upon hearing that Lindsay Lohan quits drinking and partying and applies to become a nun, the Pope dies of a heart attack.

7. Hugh Hefner’s new wife gets arrested and charged with conspiracy to commit murder, after she pays a radical Muslim to rig his walker with explosives.

8. Spike Lee finally makes a movie that people want to see.

9. Bill Clinton divorces Hillary, and marries the younger sister of his son-in-law.

10. Al Gore renounces his U.S. citizenship and moves to Pakistan, after buying and remodeling Osama bin Laden’s former compound.

Al GoreBill ClintonElvis PresleyHillary ClintonHugh HefnerJoe BidenLindsay LohanNancy PelosiOsama bin LadenpsychicSpike LeeTom Cruise

• January 11, 2013


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