Unconfirmed Breaking News
A (mis)trusted news source for over One 25th of a century

UPDATED DAILY AT 7AM PST – THREE BREAKING NEWS STORIES EVERY WEEKDAY

Blake’s Advice Column

Ask Blake Picture111

Dear Blake,

I’m a 22 year old single woman. I want to get married, but only to a wealthy man because I never want to punch a time clock. Besides I dropped out of high school, thus my employment opportunities are very limited. I think falling in love is extremely overrated, so I don’t need that emotion in order to accept a proposal. Just knowing he’ll take care of me financially is reason enough for me to say “I do”. Could you tell me where rich guys usually hang out, so I can try to make a hook up?

Signed, Lisa

from San Jose, California

* * * * * * * *

Dear Lisa,

You have my admiration. Usually uneducated gold diggers like yourself would be too embarrassed to publicly admit what you just said. Anyway, try looking for a wealthy man at a country club, conventions with Fortune 500 companies, or airport lobbies near private jets. If you do find a millionaire gullible enough to walk down the aisle with the likes of you, always be outwardly loving and respectable to him. And under no conditions should you ever let him see your greedy entitlement mentality, or it may cause unnecessary problems in your bogus marriage. I hope this helps.

Blake

Blake's Advice Column

• 02/24/2013


Previous Post

Next Post

Leave a Reply

Or