Unconfirmed Breaking News
A (mis)trusted news source for over One 25th of a century

PURE SATIRE!!! UPDATED DAILY AT 7 AM PST (OR WHEN WE ARE GOOD AND READY) THREE BREAKING NEWS STORIES EVERY WEEKDAY, PLUS A PROBLEM SOLVING ADVICE COLUMN ON WEEKENDS ~ TO REMAIN UPDATED ON WHAT'S GOING ON AROUND THE WORLD, RELY ON UNCONFIRMED BREAKING NEWS, BECAUSE WHEN THE NEWS BREAKS… WE'LL FIX IT!!!

Blake’s Advice Column

Ask Blake Picture111

Dear Blake,

I f you could rewrite the rules of road nationally, would you make any changes? I f yes, what would they be?

Signed Earl,
From Green Bay, Wisconsin

* * * * * * * *

Dear Earl,

I feel that people while in their vehicles should drive safe and respectfully at all times. But I know that’s asking way too much for some of these idiots behind the wheel. Even though most people might disagree with me, I would impose some very severe penalties on anyone that violated my pet peeves. People that regularly cut others off, would be mandated to buy the offended person’s gas for six months. For blasting their music with the windows rolled down, all passengers in the vehicle would be water boarded, regardless of their age. Anyone who is caught driving under the influence, would be obligated to donate a major organ within 24 hours of the infraction. And anyone who is stupid enough to cause property damage and has no insurance, would be permanently indebted to the financially injured party, and forced to become something comparable to a Hebrew slave from the Old Testament, with no paid holidays. I hope this helps.

Blake

Blake's Advice Column

• 07/28/2013


Previous Post

Next Post

Leave a Reply

Or