Unconfirmed Breaking News
A (mis)trusted news source for over One 25th of a century

PURE SATIRE!!! UPDATED DAILY AT 7 AM PST (OR WHEN WE ARE GOOD AND READY) THREE BREAKING NEWS STORIES EVERY WEEKDAY, PLUS A PROBLEM SOLVING ADVICE COLUMN ON WEEKENDS ~ TO REMAIN UPDATED ON WHAT'S GOING ON AROUND THE WORLD, RELY ON UNCONFIRMED BREAKING NEWS, BECAUSE WHEN THE NEWS BREAKS… WE'LL FIX IT!!!

Life through Blake’s eyes…

DOI - Hancock's Defiance

Last week I traded my car for an important part of history. I am very patriotic and I fortunately met a guy outside of a supermarket, that I literally gave my car to, for some original priceless footage of the signing of the Declaration of Independence in 1776. The six minute black and white film was surprisingly in good shape even though it looked a little cartoonish, and I’m attributing that to them probably having very low resolution movie cameras back then. I am so ecstatic to know that one of our forefathers was astute enough to film the scene as history was made for this great nation! The man that sold it to me was apparently unimpressed with one of the founding fathers, because as he walked away from me with my car keys I had just handed him, I heard him mutter under his breath, “moron”. I wonder which one of the historic figures he was referring to. Anyway, I love this country!

Life through Blake's eyes

• 07/28/2013


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