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Blake’s Advice Column

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Dear Blake,

I have a rebellious 14 year old daughter that runs away from home every time she doesn’t get her way. It stresses out my wife and my other two kids whenever she does this. It is embarrassing when I have to regularly call the police to report her as a missing child. Please give me some options.

Signed, Hamilton
From Grand Forks, North Dakota

* * * * * * * *

Dear Hamilton,

I understand the importance and value of having a stable family. My question is, why are you letting this girl-rilla back into your home? I would try making her feel that she is not wanted there by anybody, and tell everyone not speak to her or look her way. You can start by moving all of her furniture out of her bedroom and put it in the garage. And be sure to blast your horn when you leave or come back whether she’s sleeping or not.. To really send her a message that she’ll never forget, wait until January because I know the winters out there in North Dakota are brutal. Kick her out during an arctic blast, and since you own everything she has, take her shoes, and then give her some cardboard and some duct tape that she can use to protect her feet. After being subjected to those subzero temperatures for a few hours, with her tears freezing on her face like icicles as she’s banging on the front door begging to be let in, you’ll regain control home. I promise you she’ll walk in without her deplorable attitude, and without several of her frostbitten toes that were frozen and fell off, that will probably be laying in a small pile on the welcome mat. I hope this helps.

Blake

Blake's Advice Column

• 08/31/2013


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