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Blake’s Advice Column

Ask Blake Picture111

Dear Blake,

I’m an Eskimo and nine years old. I live in a small village where everyone knows everyone. I have never been out of the state of Alaska or even more than 30 miles away from the small remote village I was born in. What is life like in the other states?

Signed, Aturo
From Kaktovik, Alaska

* * * * * * * *

Dear Aturo,

It’s sort of sad that you haven’t seen any of the other states of the nation in which you are a part of. But I will be more than happy to give you some cultural and geographical info. California is the third largest state. It has nice weather, beautiful beaches, and most of the people there look and dress like the strange beings that were in the bar scene in the first “Star Wars” movie. Detroit once known for manufacturing cars, now has most of the residence that have lost their homes, living in the vehicles that they purchased. Half of the adults in Mississippi have never worn a pair of shoes. The politicians in southern Louisiana where many of the voters believe in witchcraft and voodoo, regularly use tarot cards to determine which bills to pass whenever there is a deadlock. And Chicago, also known as the “Windy City”, is just like a war zone. Violence there is so rampant, that some of the community colleges now offer accredited courses on how to become a hit man. So, I would suggest that you never consider moving down here. You’ll find more peace and tranquility living with polar bears. I hope this helps.

Blake

Blake's Advice Column

• September 8, 2013


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