Unconfirmed Breaking News
A (mis)trusted news source for over One 25th of a century

PURE SATIRE!!! UPDATED DAILY AT 7 AM PST (OR WHEN WE ARE GOOD AND READY) THREE BREAKING NEWS STORIES EVERY WEEKDAY, PLUS A PROBLEM SOLVING ADVICE COLUMN ON WEEKENDS ~ TO REMAIN UPDATED ON WHAT'S GOING ON AROUND THE WORLD, RELY ON UNCONFIRMED BREAKING NEWS, BECAUSE WHEN THE NEWS BREAKS… WE'LL FIX IT!!!

Blake’s Advice Column

Ask Blake Picture111

Dear Blake,

I am a nurse any my husband is a cop. Everyone Halloween we always go to a haunted house, but he always says he never gets scared, and as a cop, he has no fear. I know he’s lying because on a few incidents he was a little shaken, even though he’ll never admit it. Do you have any suggestions on what I can do this Halloween that will scare the life out of him?

Signed, Cindy
From Austin, Texas

* * * * * * * *

Dear Cindy,

I think cops more often than not can be pretty fearless. So it would be entertaining to watch one reduced to sniveling wimp. Because you’re a nurse here’s the idea. Sneak some drugs out of the hospital and use them to sedate your husband. Also purchase a mannequin that’s approximately his size. Take a shirt and pair of pants that he owns, cut them each in half, and put the arms and legs of the mannequin in them in different spots across the room, sprinkled with fake blood. Make sure that when your husband wakes up, he cannot feel his arms or legs. When he looks across the room, he’ll think he’s been dismembered, and will more than likely scream in terror. One other thing. After you undress him, be sure and replace his shorts with some extra strength Depends, because with his reaction, he’ll probably need them. I hope this helps.

Blake

Blake's Advice Column

• 10/26/2013


Previous Post

Next Post

Leave a Reply

Or