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Blake’s Advice Column

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Dear Blake,

I am a vegetarian and I worship Mother Earth because she provides all of our needs. I believe there are no circumstances when it’s ok harm animals or insects because they are Mother Earth’s creatures and it upsets her anytime that happens. What’s your perspective?

Signed, Norman,
From Olympia, Washington

* * * * * * * *

Dear Norman,

As I understand it, vegetarians are usually equated to healthy eating. You have taken it a step further, and added a few sprinkles of insanity. You worship Mother Earth? Your mindset suggests to me that you consume a lot of fruit, especially fermented grapes. So you don’t want to harm “Her” creatures huh? If you’re in the Midwest and a mosquito lands on your arm, do you quickly squash it, or tell it to enjoy the meal and to recommend the restaurant to its friends? If you live in a home that you find is full of termites, do you have an exterminator kill them, or do you and you moronic family (assuming someone is stupid enough to marry you) patiently wait for the walls to cave in as those disgusting varmints chow down? If you had access to a gun as a hungry lion approached your best friend, would you shoot the lion or offer it an option of side dishes? Fortunately for you “Mother Earth” does not exist. Because if she did, I have no doubt that she would be outraged at you irrational thought process, and cause a massive earth, with the spot you’re standing on being the epicenter. Or send you a message from the sky, like during the next thunderstorm, part your hair down the middle with a couple of lightning bolts. I hope this helps.

Blake

Blake's Advice Column

• November 2, 2013


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