Unconfirmed Breaking News
A (mis)trusted news source for over One 25th of a century

PURE SATIRE!!! UPDATED DAILY AT 7 AM PST (OR WHEN WE ARE GOOD AND READY) THREE BREAKING NEWS STORIES EVERY WEEKDAY, PLUS A PROBLEM SOLVING ADVICE COLUMN ON WEEKENDS ~ TO REMAIN UPDATED ON WHAT'S GOING ON AROUND THE WORLD, RELY ON UNCONFIRMED BREAKING NEWS, BECAUSE WHEN THE NEWS BREAKS… WE'LL FIX IT!!!

Blake’s Advice Column

Ask Blake Picture111

Dear Blake,

Another year has gone by and I don’t feel I’ve accomplished anything. I live in the same city I was born in, and the surroundings never change. I feel like I’m just existing in a blasé purposeless life. Why am I here?

Signed, Leonardo
From Montclair, New Jersey

* * * * * * * *

Dear Leonardo,

You shouldn’t feel you haven’t accomplished anything. At the very least, you got me to answer another depressing letter that I usually trash, because sometimes they even get me pondering boneheaded philosophical questions like yours. Your overarching inquiry appears to be, “what’s the meaning of life?” Even if I knew the answer to that, I doubt that someone who has been educated at a school in New Jersey would understand it, no matter how much it’s simplified. I was thinking for hours on what kind of goal I could suggest for you to attempt to achieve, that could make feel fulfilled and alive. After realizing where you’re from, the answer became obvious. Try this, lose you accent! Because even hillbillies think you people talk funny! I hope this helps.

Blake

Blake's Advice Column

• 12/29/2013


Previous Post

Next Post

Leave a Reply

Or