Unconfirmed Breaking News
A (mis)trusted news source for over One 25th of a century

PURE SATIRE!!! UPDATED DAILY AT 7 AM PST (OR WHEN WE ARE GOOD AND READY) THREE BREAKING NEWS STORIES EVERY WEEKDAY, PLUS A PROBLEM SOLVING ADVICE COLUMN ON WEEKENDS ~ TO REMAIN UPDATED ON WHAT'S GOING ON AROUND THE WORLD, RELY ON UNCONFIRMED BREAKING NEWS, BECAUSE WHEN THE NEWS BREAKS… WE'LL FIX IT!!!

Life through Blake’s eyes…

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Earlier this week, I was babysitting a friend of mine’s 4 month old child, when I became really thirsty. They didn’t have any pop in their refrigerator which is what I had a taste for, and all they had was Similac, so I drank a bottle of that. About an hour later the weirdest thing happened. My legs felt really rubbery, and every time I took a few steps, I would fall down and then scream for my mother. As this was happening, the baby kept on staring at me as if I were an idiot. I guess we’ll never know the thoughts of an infant, since their brains haven’t developed to the point where they can reason or think rationally.

Life through Blake's eyes

• March 16, 2014


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