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Blake’s Advice Column

Ask Blake Picture111

Dear Blake,

I am a pastor, and I have been one for over 20 years. An ongoing problem I’ve had since I became a preacher, are parents bringing their young children in the sanctuary while I’m giving a sermon. They can often be a compelling distraction when I am trying to feed the flock with important lessons from the bible. I’ve heard from several friends of mine that you give “no nonsense” advice. Please give me some guidance.

Signed, Martin
From Raleigh, North Carolina

* * * * * * * *

Dear Martin,

First of all I would like to say I admire your convictions and honoring your calling. But I also see nothing wrong with you taking aggressive steps to silence these whining brats every Sunday morning. Since it would be inappropriate to smack one of these kids, backhanding the parents in my opinion is a viable option. Or you could even keep a collection tray nearby that contains 30 pieces of silver. And for the parent that can’t control their son or daughter in the sanctuary, smash it over the heads while misquoting a scripture to justify your actions. But sometimes a simple visual aid is all you need to make your point. So, before you begin a sermon every Sunday, tell the congregation that loudmouth crying kids will no longer be tolerated when you begin to preach. And to show them that you mean business, have next to you bible, a horsewhip, a taser, and some blood stained brass knuckles. I hope this helps.

Blake

 

Blake's Advice Column

• 03/30/2014


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