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Blake’s Advice Column

Ask Blake Picture111

Dear Blake,

I am nine years old and my favorite holiday of the year is the 4th of July. I save up my allowance for two months, just so I can buy all the firecrackers I can. My friends think I’m a little strange. What’s your opinion?

Signed, Donnie
From Charleston, West Virginia

* * * * * * * *

Dear Donnie,

I really like the 4th of July too, but from a historic perspective. I don’t think you’re strange, but dangerous. Your abnormal obsession with fireworks suggests to me that you’re a potential terrorist. Your warped mindset should have you on a “no fly list” by the time you’re a teenager. Today you are focusing on firecrackers, soon it will be dynamite, and next year you’ll be bragging about your newly purchased grenade launcher. If you have any respect for this country, please pack your bags and leave. And if your parents have an ounce of discernment between them, they’ll personally drive you to the Canadian border and drop you off, hopefully without stopping the car. However, I’ve been wrong in the past and I could be wrong this time. But, to understand your mindset, I’m curious about something. Are you from a Christian home, or do your family members view America as the great Satan? I hope this helps.

Blake

Blake's Advice Column

• 06/28/2014


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