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Blake’s Advice Column

Ask Blake Picture111

Dear Blake,

I am a really big opera fan, but the man I’m dating refuses to go with me to any performances. If he went with me just a few times, I’m sure he will appreciate these gifted singers. Could you give some suggestions on what to say to him, that he’ll finally yield and spend an evening with me at the opera?

Signed, Berneese,
From Manhattan, New York

* * * * * * * *

Dear Berneese,

I can see the passion in your letter, as having things in common is an important element in regards to nurturing a relationship. But if you think I’m going to assist you into manipulating your boyfriend into being tortured by screeching voices from “well fed women” that appear to have three lungs, then you’re nuttier than a Christmas fruitcake! In my opinion, that genre of music is so irritating, that when it was played during interrogations of captured terrorists by the U.S., most of them gave up pertinent information, and some even renounced their faith. But you should also be concerned about a worst case scenario. If your boyfriend has a license to carry a concealed weapon, halfway through one of those wretched performances, I assure he’s fantasizing about a gun to his temple. I hope this helps.

Blake

Blake's Advice Column

• July 27, 2014


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