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Blake’s Advice Column

Ask Blake Picture111

Dear Blake,

My 15 year old daughter is going out on her first date next week. As a father, I am very protective of my little girl, and I’m not sure what to say or not say. Do you have any suggestions?

Signed, Edgar
From, Olympia Washington

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Dear Edgar,

I have a daughter that was once 15, so I understand your concern. I deplore violence on multiple levels, however I don’t have a problem with you threatening to kill her very first date. Show him a high powered rifled (with a scope) and tell him you could pierce his ears from 500 yards. Tell that hot-blooded juvenile, that if your daughter comes home with one button on her shirt unbuttoned, within three days, he’ll have a closed casket funeral. Explain to that scheming little rascal that you have a close friend that’s a veterinarian, that takes joy in neutering teenage boys with a butter knife that can’t control their hormones. But the best way to document their entire date is to give him a GoPro camera that has 3 hours recording time, and that’s the exact amount of time you allotted for their date. Press record and then hand it to him. If he does not return within that time period, or the camera is ever turned off or put on “pause”, promise him that the nearest hospital will be receiving his involuntary “donated” organs. I hope this helps.

Blake

Blake's Advice Column

• 09/28/2014


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