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Blake’s Advice Column

Ask Blake Picture111

Dear Blake,

As the New Year approaches, I have decided that I want to break up with a guy I have been dating for about six months. I have no idea how he is going to take it, but I’m guessing it won’t be pretty because he has a temper. I am a shy person and I don’t want to do it in person. Will you please give me some options?

Signed, Martha
From San Diego, California

* * * * * * * *
Dear Martha,

Breaking up is almost always hard to do. And it’s not nearly as hard as trying to stay alive if the person doesn’t want to get dumped. For your own safety, unload him from a distance in a secure location, but try to be friendly and sensitive about it. You could send him a nice card from Hallmark, that also has inside it a copy of a restraining order that you filed against him. You can make him think twice about even considering harming you by having him be informed that you ended the relationship, by someone dressed and looks like they are in the NYC Mafia that speaks with a heavy New Jersey accent. But, if you have to do it in person, make sure you inform a lot of people your intentions, so if you come up missing and later discovered in a shallow grave, your ex-boyfriend will be the prime suspect, or at the very least, a person of interest. Also, take some nice pictures of yourself that can be shown on CNN, while Nancy Grace discusses your case on national tv. I hope this helps.

Blake

Blake's Advice Column

• December 27, 2014


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