Unconfirmed Breaking News
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PURE SATIRE!!! UPDATED DAILY AT 7 AM PST (OR WHEN WE ARE GOOD AND READY) THREE BREAKING NEWS STORIES EVERY WEEKDAY, PLUS A PROBLEM SOLVING ADVICE COLUMN ON WEEKENDS ~ TO REMAIN UPDATED ON WHAT'S GOING ON AROUND THE WORLD, RELY ON UNCONFIRMED BREAKING NEWS, BECAUSE WHEN THE NEWS BREAKS… WE'LL FIX IT!!!

BREAKING NEWS

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BREAKING NEWS – Chicago, Illinois –For the second consecutive year, the Windy City tops the 2013 Bed Bug Cities List, released by pest control leader Orkin. Mayor Rahm Emanuel stated that he is a little disappointed that Chicago took second place on the 2013 Largest Rats Cities List, because he wanted both trophies. But he said that he plans on challenging NYC in 2015 for that top spot, by encouraging restaurants to immediately sprinkle steroids on any and all food after it gets tossed into their dumpsters.

Rahm Emanuel

• 02/23/2015


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