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Blake’s Advice Column

Ask Blake Picture111

Dear Blake,

I was in the Post Office last week when I noticed on their bulletin board a picture of a man that looks just like my husband. The name was obviously different but the image posted by the FBI was almost a mirrored reflection of the man I have been married to for five years. Anytime I have ever asked my husband about his past, he gets uncomfortable and changes the subject. What do you think I should do?

Signed, R
From Chicago, Illinois

* * * * * * * *

Dear R,

You would severely damage you marriage if you ever falsely accuse your husband of being wanted by federal law enforcement. But, if you discover that he is the one they are looking for, you should figure out the best way to financially maximize from his misfortune. If he is wanted for some violent act, leave the premises immediately, unless he was a hit man. In that case, give him a list of people you want bumped off, and after that’s done, leave and turn him in. Hopefully he was a skilled counterfeiter. If he was, have him print you up enough money so you’ll be set for life, and then secretly take out the biggest life insurance policy on him as possible. After that, call the police to and tell them where they can find the man they are looking for, but first get him really drunk and superglue a gun to his hand. And with a good lawyer, the Chicago Police force might want to settle out-of-court, your wrongful death lawsuit that you should also file. I hope this helps.

Blake

Blake's Advice Column

• 03/29/2015


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