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Blake’s Advice Column

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Dear Blake,

I am a surgeon and so is my ex-boyfriend. Here’s the issue. We recently broke up and now I want him back. He has shown no interest at all in rekindling our relationship, and I will be devastated if he ever found someone else. I love him and I miss him so much!!! Do you have any suggestions on what I can do to get him back?

Signed, Arianna
From St. Louis, Missouri

* * * * * * * *

Dear Arianna,

I feel your pain, because it seems to me that most people have regrets regarding ending a relationship. If you want to insure that no other woman gets his attention, you must immediately begin employing ruthless tactics that are acceptable when you’re in love. Start spreading malicious rumors about him that will hurt his practice, and he may need your shoulder to cry on when he can’t seem to figure out who would do something so vicious. Put copies of the book “Frankenstein” all over the hospital, along with photoshopped images of him in the morgue appearing to be stealing organs. Make anonymous calls to the police saying you have often seen him in a local cemetery late at night with a shovel and a wheel barrow. You must emotionally destroy his reputation to the degree that no rational thinking woman will give him a second look… without getting nervous. Put him in such an emotional tailspin, that he drinks excessively to numb the feeling that most of the people that he was once close to, are now creeped out when he’s in their presence. However, in the end, honesty is the best policy. So if you get him back through the use of some of my suggestions, look him straight into his eyes and tell him exactly what you did. Just do it through Skype from an undisclosed location… hopefully in a country that he can’t enter while carrying a gun. I hope this helps.

Blake

Blake's Advice Column

• 05/30/2015


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