BREAKING NEWS – Washington, D.C. – The White House reportedly hid the extent of the Office of Personnel Management regarding being hacked. The OPM, led by director Katherine Archuleta, initially denied that security clearance forms had been compromised in a massive cyberattack, despite being told the opposite by the FBI. House Oversight Committee Chairman Jason Chaffetz believes that the true number of people affected could be as high as 32 million, and called for Archuleta to step down. Archuleta acknowledged that she initially ignored the report given to her by the FBI because she thought she was being pranked and laughed it off. She pointed to several incidents in the past month when FBI agents left some phony vomit on her desk, put a whoopee cushion in her seat, and sent her a “computer generated video” of Joe Biden actually saying something intelligent.