Unconfirmed Breaking News
A (mis)trusted news source for over One 25th of a century

PURE SATIRE!!! UPDATED DAILY AT 7 AM PST (OR WHEN WE ARE GOOD AND READY) THREE BREAKING NEWS STORIES EVERY WEEKDAY, PLUS A PROBLEM SOLVING ADVICE COLUMN ON WEEKENDS ~ TO REMAIN UPDATED ON WHAT'S GOING ON AROUND THE WORLD, RELY ON UNCONFIRMED BREAKING NEWS, BECAUSE WHEN THE NEWS BREAKS… WE'LL FIX IT!!!

Blake’s Advice Column

Dear Blake,

I am in my early forties, and have been divorced for about 15 years. I want to get married again, but I want to marry a man that has little to no baggage. Are my expectations too high?

Signed, Terri
From Oakland, California

* * * * * * * *

Dear Terri,

No I don’t think your expectations too high. However they are misguided and stupid. A man that has no known issues, is probably hiding or suppressing something horrific. If you marry a loser, they’re safe because you don’t expect much, and you’ll usually get that or less. Nice guys who are constantly catering to you, and are very sensitive to your needs, are more than likely looking for the right time to pounce, eventually leaving in emotional ruins, assuming you’ll even still be alive. Around 90% of all men that seem to have it all together, are predators, and the other 10% are transgenders. In the future when you’re looking for a man, don’t go to places where successful business men hang out, try going to a places where losers frequent because they have nothing to hide. So tonight, go to your local park and sit on a bench. When a drunken bum shows up and says you’re sitting on his bed, start a conversation. And if you can get passed the smell of vomit and urine, you may find out that this is the man of your dreams. I hope this helps.

Blake

Blake's Advice Column

• 09/26/2015


Previous Post

Next Post

Leave a Reply

Or