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Blake’s Advice Column

Dear Blake,

I really like Christmas lights, but only until New Year. I hate it when people still have their lights up on January 2nd. I find it very irritating. Do you have any ideas on how to encourage these people to take them down on January 1st at the latest?

Signed, Marie

From San Diego, California

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Dear Marie,

You’re not alone in feeling annoyed with people that continue to display their Christmas lights passed the holiday season. This is when your inner-grinch should be understandably released with all of its vindictive fury! Here are some tips on dealing with those idiots. Replace a good bulb with a bad one and that usually shuts all of them off. They’ll end up spend quite a bit of time trying to figure out which one it is, or if the entire system is defective. Put all the lights on the ground in the front lawn that spells out words that will be offensive to every race, gender, religion that lives on that block.  Run a cord from the outlet of the Christmas lights to a space heater on their front lawn that’s warming some homeless people along with other assorted bums. And if they unplug the heater, accuse them of being selfish and uncaring toward people that are less fortunate than they are and even consider contacting the local news informing about that “heartless” family. My last suggestion is what a friend of mine does every year to people around town that don’t know how to read a calendar. She would park in front of their house at around 2 a.m., using a megaphone calling them names that would make a drunken sailor blush. Even this over-the-top action has caused the state to remove her kids from her custody the past two Christmases, her lawyer usually got them back for her around Valentine’s Day. That’s in February… I think. I hope this helps.

Blake

Blake's Advice Column

• 11/29/2015


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