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Blake’s Advice Column

Dear Blake,

Christmas is almost here and I hate it! My husband, my teenage daughter, and my ten year old twin boys never get me what I ask them for. They always get me something that I don’t want or need. I give them hints and tell them directly, but every year it’s the same old frustration! What can I do, if anything?

Signed, Carolyn

From Louisville, Kentucky

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Dear Carolyn,

I can see the intense frustration in your letter. The only thing I can suggestion for you to do is to give each of them a reminder of what you want, and connect it to some sort of pain. For your daughter, while she’s sleeping, shave off an area of her hair on her head, and then use a branding iron on the bald patch to state exactly what you want for Christmas. You might want to shave off an even larger area if you want to include the price and possible gift wrapping ideas. Don’t worry about what her friends will think about her appearance, because most teenagers are stupid enough to think it’s a fad, and do the same thing to themselves. As far as your twin boys, get behind them when they are standing together. And tell them what you want, where it can be bought, and even the store hours. After that, smash their two heads together like they were coconuts and ask them to repeat what you just said. If they can recall what you just said with a possible concussion, your message stuck. As far as giving your husband a reminder, wait until the next time he is keying on his laptop. And in one quick motion, slam the screen down on his hands, sit on it, and then tell him respectfully how you feel you’ve been treated, while ignoring his screams and the sound of his fingers crunching. Also it wouldn’t hurt later that day if you gave him a gentle reminder, by writing down the gifts you want on the cast he’ll be wearing, assuming he didn’t file a restraining order against you. I hope this helps.

 

Blake's Advice ColumnChristmas

• December 13, 2015


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