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Blake’s Advice Column

Dear Blake,

My boyfriend and I were going through some issues toward the end of this year, and the stress of the holidays led to us breaking up on the day after Christmas. After spending the holiday with both our families, things just came to a head. I’m distraught over the entire thing, and now I’m facing a New Year’s eve party by myself. I was supposed to go with my now ex, and I’m considering just staying home. I am a little unsure if I can make it through the night without crying. I feel like everyone else at the party will either be with a date or in a relationship already. Do I just call this New Year’s a wash or do you have any tips on how I can tough it out?

Signed, April

From Newark, New Jersey

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Dear April,

A break-up during the holiday season can be very depressing. Keep in mind that “misery loves company”, so I suggest that you “create” a lot of it. If you know some of the people at the party fairly well, expose some embarrassing facts about a person that could easily get a couple fighting. If you’re unfamiliar with everyone there, then fabricate something that will cause some tension. Go up to a man who is with his wife or girlfriend, give him a dirty look and angrily say. “You sleazy two timer!” And then storm off, allowing the woman he is with to soak it all in as she starts yelling at her mate. If you don’t feel like leaving your home, you can make calls to all of your close friends and family, pointing out their mistakes and failures for 2016. If that doesn’t bring them down to your level of depression, you can suggest that 2017 will more than likely be worst for them. But if the only thing that will make you happy is getting back with your boyfriend, then ask him to meet you at a nice restaurant that has a romantic atmosphere. Once you two are seated, be honest and candid on how much you love and miss him. If he is not receptive, then stand up and shout, “What the heck do you mean you just joined ISIS?” Hopefully some Marines and/or patriots will also be there trying to enjoy a meal, will be offended enough to promptly step away from their plates, and beat his brains out. I hope that helps.

Blake

Blake's Advice Column

• 12/31/2016


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