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Blake’s Advice Column

Dear Blake,

My former friends at school were in a tough, trouble-making group. We often ran wild.  I have gotten away from my old friends, but sometimes I hear things and I recently heard that the group is planning on breaking into our history teacher’s house. I am not a part of it. I did not plan it. I did not approve it, or anything else. Should I tell the teacher that he’s about to get robbed? I don’t want to see anything bad happen. But if it does, I don’t want to get ANY of the blame for it. What should I do?

Signed, Danny

From, Detroit, Michigan

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Dear Danny,

It’s good to see that you have abandoned your past lifestyle and mindset. Unfortunately your friends are currently on the path to prison, if not a cemetery. If I had it my way, I would draft them all into the Army, and put them on the front lines, with no weapons. Definitely tell the teacher and give him these suggestions. If he knows the day they plan to break in, buy some full grown pitbulls a few days before those delinquents commit their criminal act, but don’t feed them. Hopefully the dogs will consider those idiots as “walking meals”. If he has some good insurance on his home, he should wire it with explosives. And moments after those young punks make their entrance, their heads (minus their torsos) will be rolling and bouncing down the street. But if he is really dedicated to his career, he can kill two birds with one stone. He should go to a gun collector and purchase a Tommy Gun from the 1920s. This way as those juvenile losers enter his home, he can protect his property while simultaneously teaching history from the Roaring Twenties, as if Al Capone was the principal. I hope this helps,

Blake

Blake's Advice Column

• 01/29/2017


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