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Blake’s Advice Column

Dear Blake,

I am in a very unique position, and I don’t know what to do. About 5 years ago I met an old man that came to a park that I jogged through regularly. I’m 22, and he was 90 when I first met him. He was a nice guy and I would come to his place once a week and cut his grass and I never charged him. He lived in an average house, no big deal. He died two weeks ago, and included me in his will, even though he has four living children. They didn’t know his financial situation and he was worth nearly 10 million, due to smart investments he made, that he never told them about… and he left it all to me. His kids are extremely angry right now, and are demanding I turn it all over to them, or they’ll sue me. What should I do?

Signed, Aaron

From St. Albans Vermont

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Dear Aaron,

Sorry about your loss, and it’s obvious he viewed you as a close friend. And as far as his children are concerned, they shouldn’t be blaming you because he indirectly told them that they can roast in Hades. So they want to contest the will in court? Tell them that their father hired private detectives to follow them around for quite some time, and he has enough embarrassing dirt on them, that once it’s made public, they’ll want to change their names and leave the country. Call for a meeting between you and them in a hot and humid office. Once they arrive and are seated, start fanning yourself with some $100 bills, beginning the meeting with the words “The reason why you idiots were snubbed…” However, if they whine enough about not getting anything, tell them that you will give one of them 50% of what you received, and you’ll make your decision in one year. I assure you that all of them will be catering to your every whim for the next 365 days. And after that time has expired, choose one of them. And whichever one you choose, tell them that you have already spent half of the money, and unfortunately, it was their half. I hope this helps.

Blake

Blake's Advice Column

• 02/19/2017


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