Unconfirmed Breaking News
A (mis)trusted news source for over One 25th of a century

PURE SATIRE!!! UPDATED DAILY AT 7 AM PST (OR WHEN WE ARE GOOD AND READY) THREE BREAKING NEWS STORIES EVERY WEEKDAY, PLUS A PROBLEM SOLVING ADVICE COLUMN ON WEEKENDS ~ TO REMAIN UPDATED ON WHAT'S GOING ON AROUND THE WORLD, RELY ON UNCONFIRMED BREAKING NEWS, BECAUSE WHEN THE NEWS BREAKS… WE'LL FIX IT!!!

BREAKING NEWS

BREAKING NEWS – Bristol, Connecticut – ESPN lays off about 100 employees, including on-air talent. The memo, from ESPN President John Skipper, noted that the network’s downsizing is expected to impact some of their popular on-air personalities. In the memo, Skipper explained his motive. “We simply have an abundance of dumb jocks with rocks in their heads, and it’s time to unload many of these illiterate losers. Fortunately, most of these buffoons won’t understand what happened after I give them the boot, and they’ll probably wander the streets aimlessly for years before it finally filters through their granite skulls.”

ESPN

• 04/27/2017


Previous Post

Next Post

Leave a Reply

Or