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Blake’s Advice Column

Dear Blake,

My husband was married before for 20 years. We have been married for 30 years. We get along great, except lately he has been bringing out his jewelry that was given to him by his wife from his previous marriage. The items consist of a wedding ring, watch, etc. He doesn’t hide them. He shows them off to me. When I tell him how much this hurts me, he says they will be worth something in cash someday. If I bring a piece of jewelry out that I would like him to wear, he runs and gets a piece that his ex gave him, places them side by side and compares them! I’m so mad I have stopped speaking to him, which makes him very upset and sometimes he cries. Please give us your advice.

Signed, Virginia

From Twin Falls, Idaho

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Dear Virginia,

I totally understand why your husband would keep some items from a long term relationship that at one time he valued. But the way he flaunts it, warrants you hitting him in the back of the head with a cast iron skillet, hot off of the stove. Ok here is my advice. Since his jewelry causes friction, get rid of it. Give it all to a homeless man, because even some raggedy drunken bums are actually fashion conscience. Tell your husband you are very superstitious, and you believe his jewelry from his previous marriage is bad luck. If he disagrees, file for a divorce, and that action alone proves that you were right. Take the jewelry to an appraiser, and pay him to say that they are all fake, the watch is a knock off, and your husband is a sucker. But if your spouse wants to get nostalgic, then you should do it too. Have a friend right you some love letters by hand, that appear to be at least 35 years old. Every time he brings out his offensive artifacts, you whip out a stack of your bogus romantic steamy notes. And considering how easily he cries, it’s just a matter of times before he sees things your way, as his fragile ego prompts him to stain your love letters with his pitiful wimpy tears. I hope this helps.

Blake

Blake's Advice Column

• June 3, 2017


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