Unconfirmed Breaking News
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PURE SATIRE!!! UPDATED DAILY AT 7 AM PST (OR WHEN WE ARE GOOD AND READY) THREE BREAKING NEWS STORIES EVERY WEEKDAY, PLUS A PROBLEM SOLVING ADVICE COLUMN ON WEEKENDS ~ TO REMAIN UPDATED ON WHAT'S GOING ON AROUND THE WORLD, RELY ON UNCONFIRMED BREAKING NEWS, BECAUSE WHEN THE NEWS BREAKS… WE'LL FIX IT!!!

BREAKING NEWS

BREAKING NEWS – Los Angeles, California – Bill Nye the “Science Guy” specifically targeted the elderly, saying that climate science will start to advance when old people start to “age out,” he told the Los Angeles Times. Nye went on, adding that “age out” is a euphemism for “die.” When asked if that included him, he said, “Of course not. I’m both smart and important. I am talking about uneducated senior citizens that either disagree with my position on climate change or is not concerned about it. If all they do is sit around for hours at a time talking about nothing, or reminiscing with their grandchildren, it’s time for them to go. If we had a leader with the mindset of Joseph Stalin, we’d quickly be rid of those old society draining losers.”

• 08/11/2017


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