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Blake’s Advice Column

Dear Blake,

I dearly love my husband. We’ve been married 33 years. Like most couples, we’ve had our ups and downs. My problem is my husband is a slob. He always has been, but it’s getting worse. I have a serious issue with his messiness. I am just about ready to chuck him out the door. I’ve tried talking to him about it, but we always end up arguing. I have explained to him why I need him to pick up after himself, but he takes it as a personal affront and storms off. I’m at my wits’ end. What can I do to fix this?

Signed, Monique

From Montreal, Quebec, Canada

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Dear Monique,

I totally understand your desire to keep things neat an orderly. But if he is going to act like a pig, I would up the ante to a new level of filth. First of all, stop washing the dishes, just use the dirty plates in the sink for every meal. And tell him that if he likes fish, he’ll love Salmon-ella. You can feed him out of a trough, and remind him that he is not as nearly as clean as most farm animals. Every time he doesn’t place his possessions where they’re supposed to be, toss them outside, where homeless people that you notified will be waiting, happily anticipating a large variety of products. Finally, you said you are “just about ready to chuck him out the door”. I say, do it! So, when you get a chance, call Glad to see if they will make you a large bag that you can place your husband in, and set him out on the curb. And be sure to tell them to make sure the drawstring is strong enough, not to accidentally let any air in. I hope this helps.

Blake

Blake's Advice Column

• 10/08/2017


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