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Blake’s Advice Column

Dear Blake,

I have an ongoing problem with my husband. At least once a week he’s late for work because he oversleeps. Even though he sets his alarm, he repeatedly puts it on snooze, until he can’t make it to work on time. But the worst thing is, he blames me for not forcing him to get out of bed. I think his perspective is ridiculous. What do you think I should do?

Signed, Debra

From Oakbrook, Illinois

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Dear Debra,

Some people are not morning people and it is often very difficult for them to wake up and get out of bed. But if your husband is going to blame you for him not starting his day on time, anything you use short of explosives is acceptable as far as I am concerned. Here are some suggestions. If he doesn’t get out of bed after the second snooze alarm, pour a bucket of ice water on him, and I promise you he’ll get the message when he gets hospitalized with pneumonia or frostbite. Put a jack under the bed and raise it about six feet off the ground. when he finally reluctantly steps out, he’ll find that his newest alarm clock is called “gravity”. Toss a rattlesnake in the bed that’ll bite him, and tell him you’ll give him the anti-venom after he’s taking a shower, gotten dressed,  and he’s walking out the front door. But the problem might be, his alarm clock simply isn’t loud enough, so try this. Put a microphone next to his alarm clock, and run it to a sound system consistent with the ones used by heavy metal bands performing in large stadiums. Those decibels should be more than enough to wake him up. Also, learn CPR, because considering how startled he’ll be, you’ll probably need to do it in order to revive his heart. I hope this helps.

Blake

• 10/29/2017


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