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Blake’s Advice Column

Dear Blake,

My physical attraction to my boyfriend has significantly diminished due to his baldness. I know this may seem shallow, but I have lost all interest in intimate contact with him. When I look at his bald head or he rests his head on my shoulder, it literally makes my stomach lurch! Our romance began 20 years ago when he still had hair. It fell out two years ago. I still have feelings for him, but I don’t know how to get past this because I am so turned off. Can you give me some advice? I haven’t said anything because I don’t want to offend him. I am upset and discouraged and no longer look forward to seeing him because of this. It would be an awful reason to leave him, yet I can’t stand looking at his head!

Signed, Maria

From San Antonio, Texas

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Dear Maria,

Staying in a relationship as people change over the years is a sign of loyalty. But sticking around, when the sight of the person makes you physically ill, is another matter altogether. So, here are my tips. Tell him in order for you to stay with him, he has to wear a hat 24/7, including a shower cap when he bathes.  Try asking him if he is willing to wear a bag over his head, but cut out enough of it so you can see his face, to insure that he won’t think you feel he’s ugly. Or how about this one? Hire an artist to paint a picture on his head that you find appealing, like a nice landscape, the ocean’s shore, or even a map of the globe. But if you’re worried about offending him because he is really sensitive, I suggest you do something a little more covert. Go purchase a nice toupee that you think can cover up his baldness, and when he goes to sleep at night, secure it on his head with a staple gun. And please try to do it as quietly as possible, because no one likes to be startled in the middle of the night. I hope this helps.

Blake

Blake's Advice Column

• 11/11/2017


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