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Blake’s Advice Column

Dear Blake,

When I was 17, I was engaged to a serviceman. I broke the engagement because my mother disapproved. I was young, naive, had no job or money, and I had never disobeyed my mom. Big mistake! I have paid for it for more than 20 years. I have raised a family, but my heart is still with my young Marine. I wake up in the middle of the night thinking of him. I’ve dreamt about him all these years. I still cry and feel I can hardly breathe sometimes. I still love him. Thoughts of him are consuming my life. Please advise me about what to do.

Signed, Cindy

From Arlington, Virginia

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Dear Cindy,

At times, I believe most people think about the “one that got away” or “lost loves”. And since your mother is responsible for you losing “your Marine”, I think you should address her with a military response. Send you mother a registered letter informing her that you have now declared war, and urge her to surrender by giving you access to her bank account and the title to her home. Go to the nearest Army base and steal a tank. Then drive it over he car, and park it in her living room. Put her in front of a firing squad, and watch her collapse from fear, after the people with the phony guns pull the trigger, and the word “bang” comes out on a flag. But seeing it’s your mother, sometimes it is best to sit down and talk things out. Tell her how you feel and how much pain she has caused you. You should have plenty of time to be honest and candid regarding your emotions, because after you capture her and lock her up in your basement, treat her as a POW so you can extract any information through any means necessary, during the brutal daily interrogations. I hope this helps.

Blake

Blake's Advice Column

• 11/26/2017


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