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PURE SATIRE!!! UPDATED DAILY AT 7 AM PST (OR WHEN WE ARE GOOD AND READY) THREE BREAKING NEWS STORIES EVERY WEEKDAY, PLUS A PROBLEM SOLVING ADVICE COLUMN ON WEEKENDS ~ TO REMAIN UPDATED ON WHAT'S GOING ON AROUND THE WORLD, RELY ON UNCONFIRMED BREAKING NEWS, BECAUSE WHEN THE NEWS BREAKS… WE'LL FIX IT!!!

BREAKING NEWS

Breaking News – Menomonie, Wisconsin – A parent found a packet of meth among her child’s trick-or-treat Halloween candy. The parent turned the small packet of crystal powder over to police and officers say it tested positive for crystal-meth. The child did not ingest the powder that was wrapped inside a small Ziploc baggy. “Right now this is an isolated incident,” Police detective Joshua Lawe, said. This year, their southern neighbor Chicago had a similar problem with people handing out sandwich bags filled with bullets for .357 Magnums. Mayor Rahm Emanuel said the Windy City has tolerated passing out bullets for a smaller caliber of gun for years, but his opinion, this crosses a line.

Rahm Emanuel

• 11/01/2017


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