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Blake’s Advice Column

Dear Blake,

My wife loves to sing karaoke along with many others, most of whom are vocally challenged. Listening to some of them can be grueling when we go out. She knows many of these “performers,” and when they finish, she goes and tells them what a great job they’ve done. When I asked her why she gives the false compliments, she said, “I don’t want to hurt their feelings.” Well, the same goes for her. The other singers compliment her to the point that she now believes she has a competition-worthy voice. In reality, while her voice isn’t terrible, it’s nowhere near what she thinks it is. I’m concerned for the future if someone should ever be honest with her about this because, so far, no one has been. Should I tell her the truth to save her from potential public embarrassment, or should I keep my mouth shut?

Signed, Miguel

From Santa Fe, New Mexico

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Dear Miguel,

Singing karaoke is something that apparently makes your wife happy. But if your wife sounds like a screaming patient getting open heart surgery without an anesthetic, I think you should find someway to tell her. Here are some ideas. Send her a letter from a fictitious tv producer, that says he heard her singing, and her wants to compete in an upcoming new show called “America’s Got No Talent”. The next time she sings in one of the clubs, pay someone to dress up as the Wolfman and to start howling, and then for him to beg someone shoot him with a silver bullet to end the torture. Try to persuade her into singing tenor, that’s “ten or” or twelve miles from wherever you are. But if you have concerns about hurting her feelings, then don’t say anything. And, you can take some comfort in knowing that if you love her and plan on spending the rest of your life with her, when you become a senior citizen, you’ll more than likely embrace having a hearing loss. However, that may not be a an issue, if her pathetic singing drives you to insanity, and you secretly have her and her creaky vocal cords buried in your backyard, after convincing everyone that she ran away to pursue her dream of being the lead vocalist in a heavy metal band. I hope this helps.

Blake

Blake's Advice Column

• 12/24/2017


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