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Blake’s Advice Column

Dear Blake,

My son has lived overseas on and off for six years. He’s being married to a wonderful young woman where they met, which was in London. Needless to say, not everyone can attend, so we are having a reception for them here in the States. My son already has a fully furnished house overseas with his British wife-to-be and doesn’t need anything. His friends and our relatives are asking what to bring him as a wedding gift. I have no idea. Do you have any suggestions?

Signed, Robin

From Woodbury, Minnesota

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Dear Robin,

Tell your son, congratulations on his upcoming nuptials. But as far as getting a gift that will appease his future British wife, those people are too uppity to appreciate anything from Americans, with many of them viewing us as “land stealing terrorists”, ever since we opposed King George in 1776. Anyway, here’s some ideas. How about some books that teaches the art of self-defense, since everyone in that country gets drunk at least once a week in a pub, followed up with a drunken brawl with a close friend or family member. If they have landlines, give them an American telephone, because British telephone ring tones even sound annoying and snooty. Or maybe getting them some large quantities of dental products including floss, toothpaste, and toothbrushes. I doubt if any of those are sold out there, since they average person living in London over 40, rarely has teeth in their mouth totaling over single digits. But the most important thing is safety. Those snarky, snobbish people drive on the wrong side of the road, and the steering wheel is on the wrong side of the car. So give your son a book regarding the rules of the road in that backwards nation. Hopefully he can make the mental adjustments to deal with that vehicular insanity. Also I heard in the cars out there, when you shift in reverse, that means forward, when you shift in forward, that means reverse. When you want your windows down press “up”, when you want them up, press “down”. On your radio, if want AM, press FM… I hope this helps.

Blake

Blake's Advice Column

• 01/06/2018


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