Blake’s Advice Column
I love my grandson dearly. He lived with us off and on growing up because there were problems in his birth family. Our relationship was always close and loving. I confess that we spoiled him out of fear that at any moment his mother would stop us from seeing him. When he grew up he joined the military and met a girl on the opposite side of the country who he’s planning to marry. The problem is, she’s insecure and doesn’t want him to have any contact with his family or friends. To say our hearts are broken doesn’t describe our feelings of abandonment and sorrow. While we think he’s making a mistake by marrying such a controlling person, we realize it’s his decision to make. We wouldn’t dream of interfering, and we wish them happiness. Please help me deal with all this hurt. How do we cope with our feelings of betrayal and rejection from someone we love so dearly? We have done nothing to deserve being treated this way. I hear you often have some “unique” ideas.
From Portland, Oregon
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I am sorry to hear that you are emotionally going through a form of rejection. And if that ingrate decides to turn his back on flesh and blood because of some feminine strong arm tactics, tell him good riddance! But I guess it’s possible there are other reasons why he won’t contact you, if it’s not her insecurity. She could be a body builder that could easily break every bone in your grandson’s body if he doesn’t follow her “knuckles in his face” instructions. Or it might be she’s an underage girl, and if you knew she was just a freshman in high school, you might call the police and get him to register as a sex offender. It’s also possible that his fiancé might be extremely ugly, and he feels you might try to manipulate the court system, to have a judge order them both to get “fixed” before a potential ghoul is conceived. But the most likely possibility in my mind, is the person he wants to marry, is not female at all. As a child, did he prefer a Barbie Doll over a G.I. Joe? Did he prefer an oven mitt over a catcher’s mitt? So try this. On his birthday for a gift, send him some nail polish. If he later sends you a picture of his fingers painted, and then requests next year you send him some eyeliner and blush, you’ll finally know the real reason why he doesn’t want you to meet the love of his life. I hope this helps.