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Blake’s Advice Column

Dear Blake,

I am 72 years old, and I’m so resentful of my ex-co-workers and my former friends that I can’t stand it! I have lost two cherished wives, while those people still have their first wives. Why did I have to lose people I love? I am so full of anger! What am I to do? Do I need therapy?

Signed, Fred

From Montreal, Canada

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Dear Fred,

I would like to first of all offer my condolences in regards to your two wives. And as far as therapy, if it were up to me, I wouldn’t allow you within 100 feet of another human, or sharp objects. You’re angry because some wives has outlived yours? In that case women that have lost their husbands, should be upset when you’re slinking in their presence. If I had your address, I would contact law enforcement to see how many of your “ex-co-workers and former friends” have come up missing, and might be buried in your backyard. The next time you go on a vacation, I will pay for all of your expenses, if you promise not to come to America, because we have more than our fair share of lunatics in this country. An FBI profiler in this country would more than likely label you as a potential serial killer, or a fiction writer inspired by Stephen King. However, I still have a measure of compassion for you because you no longer have your spouses. And I have even more compassion for your even greater loss… your mind. Moron. I hope this helps.

Blake

Blake's Advice Column

• 01/28/2018


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