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Blake’s Advice Column

Dear Blake,

My wife and I are both 47. I believe she is egocentric because has fifteen 24 x 36 framed pictures of herself around the house. Even the wallpaper on her tablet is of herself. If we have a disagreement about anything, she won’t talk to me for days unless I break the ice. It’s ruining our 2 1/2-year marriage. Any suggestions?

Signed, Arthur

From Eugene, Oregon

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Dear Arthur,

So your wife has very large images of herself around the house and won’t talk to you when she gets mad? Even though you can’t avoid her face anywhere in your home, many married men would consider her silence as a blessing. But if you want her to break the ice and say something to you first, here are some suggestions. The next time she gives you the silent treatment, use a marker to blacken out the teeth on one her pictures, along with maybe drawing some stitches on her face. She’ll say something to you first, using words that are never heard in churches during a Sunday morning service. How about removing all of her pictures and replace them with yours? And when you hide her pictures, for your own safety, hide any knives or guns that are currently accessible to her. Or this. Put a picture of a much younger and much prettier woman next to hers. They probably won’t remain there that long once she gathers them together and hauls them down to an aggressive divorce lawyer. And finally, some men often worry about what their spouse will look like when she gets old. You shouldn’t be concerned about that, because if you follow any of my previous suggestions, there is a good chance when you go to sleep one night, you won’t wake up the next morning. And even if you did wake up, you still may not have enough time to get out of your bedroom that’s engulfed by flames, and remove your gasoline soaked pajamas. I hope this helps.

Blake

Blake's Advice Column

• 02/03/2018


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