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Blake’s Advice Column

Dear Blake,

A couple of years ago, when we moved to a home with more privacy than our previous home, my husband decided to walk around naked all the time. It’s not that I’m a prude, but I don’t find his furry 60-year-old body attractive in broad daylight. Quite the opposite, in fact. I have asked him many times to please put something on, and he either ignores me or gets mad. I avert my eyes when he’s sashaying by me. Is there anything else I can do to reason with him?

Signed, Celia

From New York City, New York

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Dear Celia,

I can understand the discomfort you may feel by seeing your husband “disrobed” all the time around the house. In my opinion, you should make him feel so self-conscious about his body, that he’ll be even uncomfortable getting undressed to take a shower. Ok, here are some of my ideas. Let him overhear you telling one of your friends on the phone, that every time you see your husband naked, it reminds you of how terrified you were when you were a little girl and saw the movie, “The Wolfman”. Or how about this? Every time he walks pass you, bend over as if you were about to gag, and throw some rubber vomit in front of him to let him know how you feel about viewing him in the raw. You can also display your feelings on how awful he looks, by constantly walking around the house wearing a blindfold guided by a seeing eye dog. You live in NYC, and the description you gave me of your husband suggests to me that he is Italian. Assuming that’s true, I think this will be the best solution. If he’s overweight, one night when he goes to bed, shave him, removing all of his body hair. And he just might be grateful the next morning of the immediate loss of at least 35 pounds. I hope this helps.

Blake

Blake's Advice Column

• February 25, 2018


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