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Blake’s Advice Column

Dear Blake,

I am a 75-year-old male former teacher and social worker. I stopped dating 30 years ago because the only women I had loved had all dumped me. Since then, I haven’t been romantically involved with anyone so I would not be dumped again. However, I am lonely for female companionship and afraid I’ll die without ever having had another girlfriend. Is there a solution for this problem?

Signed, Ron

From Omaha, Nebraska

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Dear Ron,

I can feel your pain regarding a distant lost love, or several. And unfortunately at your age, your options are extremely limited, so whatever you do, you must do it quickly! Here are some suggestions. Grocery stores is a good place to meet people looking for love. In your case, you should loiter in the area that sells Depends. If you like dancing, go to a polka party. People there your age, only bounce around, hoping their rickety hips won’t shatter. Or you can go to a local funeral home and see if you can’t get a mailing list that’s sent out to potential “upcoming” customers. But if it is really important that you have a woman in your life, I would strongly urge you to start going to as many social functions as you can. And if by chance you find a woman that dazzles your heart, you fall head over heels, and she dumps you, so what! You are 75, and the average life expectancy in America is 83, so 8 more years of misery isn’t going to kill you, because you’ll be croaking around then either way. I hope this helps.

Blake

 

Blake's Advice Column

• March 4, 2018


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