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Blake’s Advice Column

Dear Blake,

My husband comes from a family of practical jokers. When I first married him I tolerated it. However, after my sister-in-law, sent a stripper to my office as a birthday surprise, I asked her politely and firmly to stop. All my request did was provoke her to continue hounding me and to escalate the jokes. Her last “joke” was the last straw. Vince and I had planned a dream vacation to Europe. Vicki called our travel agent and attempted to cancel it over the phone. She had our confirmation number and my credit card information. It’s lucky that I’m close friends with the travel agent, who knew it wasn’t me. Thinking we were victims of a credit card scam, she ended the call and contacted me at work. Besides nearly costing us thousands of dollars in nonrefundable travel costs, we realized that she had snooped through our personal belongings. How else could she have obtained my credit card numbers and the confirmation number for the trip? We canceled all our credit cards, had new ones issued, and warned Vicki that we’re thoroughly checking all of our records. My husband and I are standing firm that she is no longer welcome in our home. She has never apologized and seems to enjoy showing up at our house, forcing us to deny her entry. How can we get her to stop harassing us?

Signed, Gloria

From Orlando, Florida

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Dear Gloria,

I am sorry to hear that your sister-in-law doesn’t not know where to draw the line in regards to her practical jokes. The only thing I can suggest, is for you to play some on her, that she’ll never forget! Here are some suggestions. Do some “secret” searches using her computer on arson and homeowner’s  insurance fraud, and then burn her house down. Make sure the computer survives the inferno, so the D.A. can use it during her trial. Get a hold of her credit cards, and max them out by purchasing bomb making material on line. And then contact the FBI after using one of her credit cards to buy a one way ticket to Syria. Or this. Pay some children at a nearby grammar school, alleging your sister-in-law was trying to get them to buy some crystal meth from her, and she promised to give them a discount if they became distributors. You can tell her it was a joke after she gets out of prison. And finally, this is my favorite. Get her drunk, shave off all of her hair, and then get a swastika tattooed on her forehead. And to enhance the joke, take a picture of her, and post it on a dating website exclusively for Nazis. Don’t forget to include her phone number, and definitely give her a German last name. I hope this helps.

Blake

Blake's Advice Column

• 05/06/2018


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