Unconfirmed Breaking News
A (mis)trusted news source for over One 25th of a century

PURE SATIRE!!! UPDATED DAILY AT 7 AM PST (OR WHEN WE ARE GOOD AND READY) THREE BREAKING NEWS STORIES EVERY WEEKDAY, PLUS A PROBLEM SOLVING ADVICE COLUMN ON WEEKENDS ~ TO REMAIN UPDATED ON WHAT'S GOING ON AROUND THE WORLD, RELY ON UNCONFIRMED BREAKING NEWS, BECAUSE WHEN THE NEWS BREAKS… WE'LL FIX IT!!!

BREAKING NEWS

BREAKING NEWS – East Hanover, New Jersey – A New Jersey mom went to her daughter’s school and complained about her not making the cheerleading squad — so now everyone gets to make the team. “All my hard work has been thrown out the window,” seethed cheerleader Stephanie Krueger about the ruling during a Board of Education meeting last week in East Hanover. Instead of having tryouts and making cuts, cheer coaches at Hanover Park High School have decided to let everyone participate. The school’s athletic director said they changed the policy as a direct result of the mom’s complaint. When asked to do away with the new rule, officials threatened to scrap the 10-member squad altogether — telling parents and students that everyone makes the team, or nobody does. The officials then banned any acrobatic routines, unless all of the cheerleaders could perform them, and they eliminated all “dance moves”, so girls can be on the team that have zero rhythm. Now parents that have short overweight sons at Hanover Park High School, want the exact same policy implemented for the basketball team.

schools

• 05/10/2018


Previous Post

Next Post

Leave a Reply

Or