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Blake’s Advice Column

Dear Blake,

My husband and I are retired. We love being near the water, but my husband drags a chair behind our rental and sits in the sun in the alley without his shirt. This is an upscale neighborhood, and it’s embarrassing to me, especially because he is in his 70s and not in shape to display his stomach. The neighbors laugh it off, but I have told him how I feel and pleaded with him to walk a few steps to the beach and sit there shirtless. He said I hurt his feelings and embarrassed him by suggesting it. What more can I do to make him see how inappropriate it is?

Signed, Sally

From Myrtle Beach, South Carolina

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Dear Sally,

I understand your reservations regarding how awkward this makes you feel. Probably the best thing for you to do is to try everything in your power, to make your husband feel disgusted with himself. So, here are some of my ideas. Take a picture of him while he’s sunbathing, and then put it on some billboards all over town with the caption “The Horrors of Aging”. This might have such a damaging emotional affect on him, that you shouldn’t be surprised if he removes all the mirrors in your home, and then refuses to get undressed while taking a shower. Or, how about this? Pay a stranger to walk up to him and say, “Sir you look awful. Do you need a ride back to the hospice?” Maybe, while he’s sleeping, pay a sand sculptor to create a large Buddha, including an image of your husband’s face. But if he looks as atrocious as you’re alleging, you might be able to make some money based on his appearance. Have some 24 x 36 images of him placed on some of the buoys that are offshore, because his appalling physique, just might turn out to be some very effective shark repellent. I hope this helps.

Blake

Blake's Advice Column

• 06/24/2018


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