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Blake’s Advice Column

Dear Blake,

Recently, on an airline flight, the passenger next to me put her feet (with shoes on) onto the headrest in front of her. Since she had her headphones on, I tapped her on the shoulder and indicated that it was unsanitary to put one’s feet where normally a passenger’s head should be. I got a very dirty look for my efforts. Should I have ignored the situation, or said something to the flight attendants? What do you recommend?

Signed, Missy

From Nashville, Tennessee

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Dear Missy,

When people fly, they should always be respectful to other passengers. Anything short of tossing them off the plane while it’s inflight, is acceptable to me. Here are some things you should’ve done. You should’ve traveled with some strong plastic zip ties, and then attempted to tie her ankles together when she placed her foot on the headrest. If she complained to the flight attendant, the flight attendant probably would’ve ordered both of you to knock it off, and then whispered to you, “good job”. You could’ve told the person that was sitting in the seat in front of her, that the disrespectful lady said she put her feet up there because she’s used to walking all over people like them. Then go to the bathroom to avoid getting inadvertently punched as that rude passenger you were sitting next to gets viciously pummeled. Or, every time she put her feet on the headrest, you should’ve taken a pen and started writing on her shoes, explaining that you obsessively take notes, and you’re out of paper. But if you’re not a confrontational person, this might’ve been the simplest solution. While she was wearing her headphones, you should’ve savagely hit with your elbow hard enough to knock her out. After that, requested some alcohol and poured it on her clothes, which would appear she was passed out drunk. And even if she tells what really happened once the plane lands when she wakes up, the combination of her staggering still dizzy from your assault while smelling like whiskey, no one would’ve believed her. I hope this helps.

Blake

Blake's Advice Column

• 06/02/2018


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