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Blake’s Advice Column

Dear Blake,

I tend to react poorly when someone pulls a prank on me. My husband has always liked playing pranks, and my children have started to follow his lead. The pranks tend to be things like ice down the back of my shirt, bopping the end of a glass or bottle while drinking so it splashes in my face, snapping wet towels, etc. I don’t like it, and I never do it to them. If I react, I am made out to be the “bad guy” because I “can’t take a joke.” How do I get my family to understand that being subjected to these “jokes” isn’t funny to me?

Signed, Lynn

From Concord, New Hampshire

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Dear Lynn

It appears to me, that your family is going to continue to play pranks on you no matter how much you tell them that you object. The only thing I can suggest, is you start pranking them on a level that will traumatize them for years! Here are some ideas. The next time when one of them are drinking out of a bottle, don’t slap it up, push it in. By doing that, it should dislodge a few teeth, both upper and lower. And to make it really funny, tell them that you don’t have a dental plan. They like snapping you with a wet towel, so do the same thing to them with a slight modification. Have the towel really wet, and have it attached to two live wires from a spliced extension cord. It will probably feel like a taser when they get popped, and you should wake them, at your leisure. They like putting ice down your back? Do the same thing with them, except use dry ice. Kitchen ice is about 32 degrees, and dry ice is around -109. It’ll literally be a “spine tingling” experience… especially with the frostbite. But if you really want to make a statement, serve them dinner a big dinner that’s laced with Ex-lax and Milk of Magnesia. When it finally kicks in and they all bolt for the bathrooms “accidentally” have all the doors locked from the inside, and then tell them to use the backyard. You should also tell all of their friends ahead of time, so they could be hiding out there, aiming there camera phones at each of them. And hopefully they’ll include your family members names when they post the videos on Youtube. I hope this helps.

Blake

Blake's Advice Column

• June 10, 2018


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