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Blake’s Advice Column

Dear Blake,

I have a concern I suspect is shared by others. Keeping a journal has been shown to be of significant psychological benefit, but I do not want my private thoughts and concerns read by others after my death. Is this silly of me? I realize I’ll be dead and gone, but the possibility of it happening inhibits me from recording my thoughts and feelings. I would appreciate your insight on this.

Signed, Gregory

From Hartford, Connecticut

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Dear Gregory,

Keeping a private journal is a very good way to express your feelings without being criticized. It also serves as a good instrument to say exactly what you think of people you can’t stand, and those losers can’t touch you after you’re lowered into the ground. But just in case your journal is discovered after you expire, I think you should exaggerate your thoughts, so the people you write about will never forget you. If you have siblings, recall something they did that you didn’t like when you were children, and write how often you fantasized about going to the zoo with them, so you could push them over a railing and fall on top of some hungry irritable lions. Or, you can pen that the reason why you were a good student in school, was because if your parents were ever called to the school to discuss your poor grades, the teachers might discover they were dumber than you are.  If you have a best friend, write that you were their friend, you thought he/she would always be by your side, because you read somewhere that morons are extremely loyal. However, if you really want to have fun with some parting thoughts, write down that you got into a fight with a person where there were no witnesses, you killed them, and someone helped you dispose of the body. Black out the person’s name that “assisted” you, but leave enough clues where the cops will be investigating several people. I assure you once you’re gone, this should make for some interesting conversation at family gatherings, as they glance at each other with very suspicious eyes. I hope this helps.

Blake

Blake's Advice Column

• July 14, 2018


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