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Blake’s Advice Column

Dear Blake,

When I was dating my husband, I gave him a lot of leeway. When he told me he listened to a radio show that is known for unscientific views, I ignored it because I found him so charming and kind. Honestly, he treats me better than anyone I’ve ever known, and I had been in the dating scene for 27 years. During our three-year courtship I always avoided the topics of science and politics. We have been married two years now, and I’m trying hard to reconcile the fact that I’m married to a conspiracy theorist who believes the world is flat. He’s convinced that fluoride is mass brainwashing and the moon landing was faked. It makes me so sad. I knew on some level that he believed these things, but I chose to overlook it. Now it has become very irritating. What should I do?

Signed, Amanda

From Flagstaff, Arizona

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Dear Amanda,

Conspiracy theorists often live in their own world. And sometimes it’s best to leave them there rather than encouraging those kooks to interact with normal people. But if you really want to make a point, you should act like you’re embracing some theories that are even wackier than his. Such as, tell your husband that you know for sure that JFK agrees with his conclusions, because the former president told you he did last week, after he explained why he faked his own assassination. Or, you can emphatically agree with your husband in regard to fluoride brainwashing, in fact, tell him every time you brush your teeth, you have an uncontrollable urge to shop all day. Or this one. Tell your spouse that you have a friend who invented a time machine, and he said in five years, your better half will be in a mental health facility at Area 51. But this is my favorite idea. Punch him in the face and quickly leave your house. When you return, explain to him that it wasn’t you, but it was a carbon copy of you from a different dimension. And it will be just a matter of time before he either abandons all of his ridiculous theories, or he’ll be too embarrassed to open his mouth around you, which will show his missing front teeth. I hope this helps.

Blake

Blake's Advice Column

• July 29, 2018


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